Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
