we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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