The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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