haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
