So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
