I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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