just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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