He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
