If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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