He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
