I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
