girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
