Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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