i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize