you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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