I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
