I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
