I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
