I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
