opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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