my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
