are you still at the devil's house?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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