I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
