how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
