I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
