I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
