I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
