Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
