maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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