Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
