so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
