he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
did i walk over a car last night?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Bring me that man meat
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
