I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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