there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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