def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
