Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize