i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
