I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
