There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
please come you make the beer taste better
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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