There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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