when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
