i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
