So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
