she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
