craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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