I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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