you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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