false alarm. still invincible.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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