I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
