a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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