so explain again why im purple
no
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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