We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
