Where is the hickey?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
