He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
