Say something about gay babies.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
