How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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