If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize