i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
