So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
