i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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