Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
