I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize