I love black thongs
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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