So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
