I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
that's an acceptable place to lick
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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