ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
