My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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