She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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