so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize