i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
