she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
