I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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