P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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