btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
