Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dicks are not precious.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
